Aura for Aura: Not God’s Blueprint

Resisting the Urge to Match Energy for Energy

Beloved Friend,

I’ve been thinking about this “aura for aura” mindset; you know, that whole idea of matching people’s energy. If they’re rude, you return the rudeness. If they’re distant, you keep your distance. It sounds justified, right? I mean, why should you be the one always extending grace when people don’t even try? The world calls it protecting your peace. I used to think it was a necessary survival tactic until the Holy Spirit started pressing my heart about it.

I get it. No one likes feeling like a fool for loving hard or giving grace to people who don’t seem to deserve it. For a while, I bought into this narrative. It felt like protecting my peace. Why give what I’m not getting? But then the Holy Spirit began to show me how it contradicts God’s heart. How we are subtly being discipled by the world to believe that giving back the same energy is strength, when it’s really just pride disguised as self-respect.

Imagine if God treated us the way we treat Him. If He matched our inconsistent energy; ignoring us because we ignored Him. Withholding love because we acted unbothered. Mismanaged our lives the way we sometimes mismanage what He has entrusted to us or cutting us off the moment we messed up because, well, “boundaries.” Where would we be? “He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities.” (Psalm 103:10) He is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love (Psalm 103:8). God doesn’t mirror our behavior; He transforms it.

I’ve wondered how God could ask us to love our enemies, to bless those who curse us (Matthew 5:44). It felt like setting myself up to be a doormat. But then I started noticing; people who seemed standoffish or rude began to soften over time. Sometimes the “mean exterior” is just a defense mechanism or simply cause they don’t know any better.

The truth is, we can’t overcome evil with more evil. It’s like trying to quench fire with petrol. “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” (Romans 12:21) That’s the blueprint, God’s, not the world’s. The enemy is sneaky. He pushes his agenda through the culture: normalizing selfishness, retaliation, and pettiness as if these things are marks of wisdom. We say things like, “Favor surrounds me like a shield,” yet in the next breath, we confess that “anxiety is watching me.” Can’t we see that the enemy always tries to counter what God wants for us, subtly and strategically? He doesn’t need to be everywhere at once when he can plant a pattern; a way of thinking that turns hearts cold without them even realizing it.

If there’s anything the enemy is good at, it’s patterns. He plants a phrase that sounds “protective” but breeds selfishness and bitterness. He knows that the more we buy into the “aura-for-aura” mindset, the less we look like Christ. The more we say, “I’m just giving back the same energy,” the more we lose sight of the radical, reckless love of God; the kind that loves not because of who the other person is, but because of who we are in Christ.

As those who carry God’s life within us, we don’t get to do aura for aura. We don’t get to be wise in our own eyes. God’s wisdom often feels foolish to the world, but it’s the kind that heals, restores, and transforms. If we keep looking to match energy instead of changing atmospheres, we’ll lose the power of Christ’s love; the power that loved us first when we didn’t even know what love was.

So no, I’m not about matching energy anymore. I’m about reflecting Christ, even if it looks ridiculous. Because if God didn’t give me what I deserved, the least I can do is extend the same grace to someone else.

And just so we’re clear, if you’ve read to this point and thought to yourself, “Oh, that guy you’re not married to who keeps beating you, abusing you, and making you dishonor God just needs a little more love in hopes he’ll change,” I genuinely don’t know what to say to you. I just hope the other readers will intercede for you.

Or maybe you’re a guy thinking, “That lady who only texts back when she needs money or a favor just needs me to be more patient and generous; she’ll come around eventually,” I don’t know, my dear brother.

You could also be thinking, “That friend who keeps leading me into bad choices and has no interest in changing just needs me to be even more understanding; I’m sure they’ll get better someday,” I don’t know, my dear.

Or perhaps you believe, “I should keep loaning money to that relative who never pays back; it’s all love and sacrifice, right?” Hmm, I don’t know if that’s love or just vibes. Scriptures highlight the importance of lending with a spirit of generosity and not expecting repayment. However, scriptures also encourage you to be wise and discerning in your actions. It is important to balance love and sacrifice with prudence and responsibility.

If any of these scenarios sound like you, you might need more than just this letter; you need an intervention. However, I’ll keep interceding for you and hope that’s not the case. I also hope you’ll keep me in your prayers too, so that we might all live genuinely like Christ.

With thoughts of kindness,

ABBA’s Shofar