Healing the Hidden Wounds
A Personal Invitation to Let Go and Find Rest in Him
Beloved Friend,
I hope this letter finds you well. Today, I want us to talk about something that we, as Christians, often overlook—offense and hurt. We know the Bible teaches us to forgive, and while that’s important, I’ve realized that many of us forgive out of obligation without really addressing the hurt. We tend to push these feelings aside, treating them like something we shouldn’t experience or feel.
Lately, the Holy Spirit has been teaching me that the scripture in Matthew 11:28—“Come unto me all ye that are heavily laden, and I will give you rest”—applies not just to sin or guilt but also to the burden of unaddressed hurts. These emotions, especially when not confronted, can creep up on us in horrible ways when we least expect it. We often carry a backlog of hurt, and that could stem from unnecessary comparisons among siblings, which can even lead to sibling rivalry.
I’ve noticed that hurt can form a cycle where people who’ve been hurt unknowingly hurt others the same way they were hurt. It could be as subtle as saying, “Well, nobody cared how I was feeling, so why should I care?” or “My parents never did this for me, so why should I do it?” For the longest time, I was defensive, even in small situations. But through the Holy Spirit’s help, I began to see that this defensiveness was a result of hurts I had been nursing without realizing it. I thought if I didn’t acknowledge these emotions, they would lose power over me. But instead, I built a defensive wall to cope with them.
Many people walk around defensively, unaware that the unresolved hurt has become a part of them. My friend often says, "Offense fences you out of God’s will," and it’s true. We can’t let offense, pain, or hurt weigh us down. Hebrews 12:1 tells us to lay aside every weight that easily besets us, and these emotions are part of that weight. They are powerful and need more than just saying we forgive someone. Only God can truly heal us and make us whole, as if we had never been hurt.
The danger of holding onto offense is that it leads to bitterness, which can then progress to hatred. Before long, we become angry when we see the person who hurt us moving on with their life. We forget that God’s grace is available to everyone, including those who hurt us. We are all at different stages in our walk with God, and someone who has wronged you may still be learning and going through their pruning process. Expecting God to judge them harshly isn’t graceful; instead, it’s a call to remember that growth is a process, often involving painful experiences. Take teething, for instance—it’s a necessary yet painful phase for a baby, and similarly, God can turn painful experiences into opportunities for growth.
David, the youngest of his family, was left to tend to his father’s flock, exposed to danger while his older brothers remained indoors. It wasn’t the simple task of the younger sibling fetching water or running errands. No, David was given the role of protector, fighting off wild animals like lions and bears just to keep his father's sheep alive. And even after proving his bravery, he wasn’t called inside when the prophet Samuel came to anoint the next king. He was overlooked, left behind, an afterthought.
Joseph’s hurt came in a different form but was no less painful. Betrayed by his own brothers and sold into slavery, he faced rejection not just from strangers but from his own flesh and blood. Both David and Joseph were in positions where they could have been bitter, thinking, "Why me? Why am I left out or treated so unfairly?" But little did they know, their pain was part of the process—God was refining them in the hidden places, preparing them for something greater.
As I thought about their stories, it struck me that sometimes, when we’re hurt by others, we assume they know what they've done. But here’s the thing—people can’t read our minds. We might be carrying hurt or disappointment, thinking someone should just know they’ve wronged us, but for all we know, they might feel like they’re the ones who were wronged. It's a tricky situation, isn't it? That’s why it's important to speak up when we’re able to, not expecting others to just figure it out. By opening up, we can bring clarity, and sometimes, the hurt we feel can be resolved by a simple conversation.
Even as we look at the lives of these men, we can see, neither allowed their hurt to grow into bitterness or resentment. David often asked God why Saul wanted to kill him (1 Samuel 24:9-11), addressing his feelings in prayer instead of harboring offense.
When we fail to deal with offense, it eats away at our souls, distorting our view of others and our spiritual life. Over time, the bitterness in our hearts will affect our other relationships. Proverbs 4:23 reminds us to guard our hearts because everything we do flows from it. If we’re bound by offense, it will poison how we respond to everyone else.
Jesus teaches us to let go of offense. But sometimes, letting go is hard, and that’s where God steps in. I learned the hard way that not taking offenses to God before reacting or addressing them robbed me of the wisdom needed to handle the situation. Even when I had every reason to be offended, my reaction somewhat defeated the whole purpose. When we come to Him with our heavy hearts, He helps us release the offense. In moments when I’ve struggled to forgive, I’ve found that going to God in prayer is the best way to process my feelings. Even when I don’t get the apology I hope for, God’s healing is more than enough.
Friends, let’s not hold onto offense. It’s a prison that keeps us from walking in God’s fullness. Even if we cannot have a productive conversation with the person who hurt us, or they refuse to see their fault, we can take it to God in prayer. As we allow Him to heal our hearts, we can release the burden of offense and experience true freedom. Forgiveness isn’t just for the other person—it’s for us.
May I pray with you?
Father, we come to You today, carrying the hurt and offense that we’ve nursed unknowingly. We lay it all down at Your feet, asking You to heal our hearts and remove the bitterness that has taken root. Help us release those who have wronged us, and teach us to walk in true forgiveness, just as You forgive us. You promised to give us rest when we’re burdened, so we cast this weight of hurt on You, trusting that You will make us whole. In Jesus' name, Amen.
With thoughts of kindness,
ABBA’s Shofar