Hold Up, Mirror First!

Before We Drag Others, Let’s Check Ourselves Too

Beloved friend,

Happy new month! Wow!

I was reflecting on that famous scripture in Matthew 7:3-5 that says:

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?… You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”

This verse hits different when you’ve actually been the one walking around with a whole plank, acting like it’s everyone else who needs help. I’ve come to realize there’s this trend of “it’s them, not me”, a kind of selective blindness. We walk around with a constant victim mentality, not realizing we’ve also been the villain in someone else’s story.

So many people are addressing the Body of Christ right now, and rightly so, there’s a lot to be said. But sometimes we forget that we are also in the Body, and we too are in need of refining. It’s easy to sound like a prophet when you’re pointing fingers outward, but harder to humble yourself and admit that you need pruning too.

Think about David. In 2 Samuel 12, after he messed up with Bathsheba, God sent Nathan the prophet to tell him a story about a rich man who took the only lamb of a poor man. David was fuming! “Such a man deserves to die!”; only for Nathan to say, “You are the man!”

Omo. Imagine receiving that kind of hot slap from the Holy Spirit. But that’s what we all need sometimes; the ability to recognize that the mess we’re shouting about in someone else’s life is also trailing behind us.

This isn’t to say we must be perfect before we correct others; even Paul corrected the churches passionately, but there’s a way to correct that doesn’t reek of pride or condescension. Galatians 6:1 says, “If someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently.” Not harshly, not arrogantly, not with tweets or threads that sound like we’re better than everyone.

Jesus corrected the woman caught in adultery, but He first silenced her accusers by turning the mirror to them: “Let the one who is without sin cast the first stone.” (John 8:7). One by one, they dropped their stones because honestly, nobody is spotless.

It’s the same way we can be out here calling others prideful, bitter, rebellious, or lukewarm, forgetting that we’ve had (and maybe still have) our fair share of each one.

And while we’re at it, have you noticed how the same grace we want for ourselves is often the one we refuse to extend to others? We want God to understand our triggers, our trauma, our “I didn’t mean it like that,” but we won’t give the same benefit of the doubt to someone else. We become experts at justifying our wrongs while crucifying others for theirs.

Now, I’m not saying everything should be excused. Jesus flipped tables in the temple, and Paul publicly confronted Peter (Galatians 2:11-14). But both moments came from a place of genuine love for truth and a heart aligned with God, not clout or personal vendetta.

Even in our generation, the finger-pointing spirit is strong. From church drama to family wahala, it’s always “them.” She’s toxic. He’s manipulative. They’re the problem. But have we paused to ask the Holy Spirit, “Lord, search me and show me what needs fixing?” I learnt a prayer from Pastor Mavis; asking God to reveal any blind spots in my life or character flaws. Bro! You’ll just start noticing people pointing out things you hadn’t even considered before.

Let’s bring this home, to the house, literally. Have you noticed how siblings can sometimes be at each other’s throats, quick to point fingers and slow to admit that they actually share the same blood and, quite often, the same traits? One says the other is disrespectful, the other says you’re controlling. Meanwhile, the real enemy: the bitterness, the generational habits, the spirit of offense, is getting stronger, while the bond weakens.

I once heard that married couples are encouraged to see themselves as a team fighting a common enemy, not each other. And that’s truly God’s desire for us. Whether it’s family, friendships, or the Body of Christ, His desire is unity; that we’ll war against the issue and not divide because of it.

Sometimes, the deliverance we need isn’t from someone else. It’s from ourselves. From the pride we disguise as “speaking facts.” From the bitterness we cloak in “righteous anger.” From the lack of empathy we tag as “truth-telling.”

This week, let’s do a heart check. Not just for what we say, but how we say it. Not just for what we see, but what we’re blind to in ourselves. Let’s pray like David did in Psalm 139:23-24

“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”

May we be a people who correct in love, who restore with gentleness, and who remember that the same Jesus who is patient with us is asking us to extend that same patience to others.

P.S. If at any point during this letter you started mentally drafting a list of people who “need to read this”, hmmm, it might just be for you. But no worries, I’m reading it too. God is still working on me, plank and all.

With mirror in hand and grace on lips,

ABBA’s Shofar