The Heart Files: What’s Brewing in There?
When God Starts an Unplanned Heart Audit
Beloved Friend,
Do you ever think you’re a pretty decent person until life takes an unexpected turn, and suddenly, your thoughts or actions don’t match the angelic image you have of yourself? It’s humbling, isn’t it?
Let me take you on a journey; one that started back in SS3, when I first read The Atonement Child. It was a Christian fiction novel that opened my eyes to the consequences of abortion, generational choices, and God’s powerful redemption. That book was like a turning point for me. I found myself holding firm to the belief that abortion was never an option, and standing proudly in the camp of “no sex before marriage.”
But let me tell you about a book I read in 2023 that shook me to my core: Reunion by Lauren Schelling. In this story, a 17/18-year-old girl, a virgin up until then, had her whole life ahead of her. She was celebrated for her achievements, had a fully-funded scholarship to a prestigious Ivy League school, and was in a wholesome, God-honoring courtship with her boyfriend. The future was bright, the world was her oyster.
The pivotal moment came during the celebration of her scholarship, the night that was supposed to be filled with joy and excitement. In a moment of vulnerability, she and her boyfriend broke their vow of purity. The guilt consumed her, and few days later, she confessed everything to her father. A lead pastor, he was devastated. He wrote a resignation letter, stating that if he couldn’t lead his own home, he had no business leading a congregation.
Then came the bombshell; she was pregnant.
Reading her story hit me like a ton of bricks. Here was a girl, like any of us, with dreams and aspirations, and yet faced with the consequences of a decision that changed everything. In my mind, I thought, “I hope she’s not pregnant,” and then when I found out she was and was considering getting rid of it, a voice in me whispered, “Maybe she could… fix this. She could fall down the stairs and lose the baby” That moment, that thought, made me pause. I’ve always been so firm in my stance against abortion, you could ask me the day after and my stance would be the same, but here I was, mentally excusing it. It was a sobering realization.
Jeremiah 17:9 says, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?” And that’s the crux of the matter. We all think we’re good people until God searches our hearts. Without Him, we are susceptible to so much that doesn’t align with the values we claim to uphold. We might believe we’re gentle until we’re provoked, or we think we’re humble until the Holy Spirit gently taps us on the shoulder, revealing the pride within.
Proverbs 23:7 reminds us, “As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.” It’s not just our actions that define us but our thoughts. The quiet musings of the heart that no one else sees but God. Our thoughts shape our identity, character, and even our decisions. If we’re not careful, those unchecked thoughts can lead us down paths we never imagined.
Psalm 139:23-24 captures this so perfectly: “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”
This past week, without even praying for it, God began an unplanned heart audit on me. I’d think something harmless (or so I thought), and then He’d nudge me: “oh that’s judgmental.” I’d recall a conversation, and He’d whisper: “That was pride.”
I didn’t ask for this audit, but oh, how much I needed it. It reminded me that purity of heart isn’t just about avoiding sin; it’s about aligning your thoughts, intentions, and desires with God’s will. Proverbs 4:23 says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” If we don’t let God continuously clean house, we risk becoming comfortable with things that shouldn’t belong there.
So, here’s my nudge to you this week: ask God to search your heart daily. It’s not a one-time process. Every day, let Him reveal the hidden corners where pride, judgment, bitterness, or fear may be lurking. It’s humbling, yes, but it’s also freeing.
In Closing
You know, it’s funny how life has a way of testing the things you thought were firmly settled. But with God, even those moments can lead to growth and a deeper understanding of His grace.
So, beloved friend, when was the last time you asked God to search your heart? What would He find if He did? Whatever it is, let Him help you clean it out and fill it with His love, peace, and purpose.
With thoughts of kindness,
ABBA’s Shofar