Vulnerability...

...an ingredient for intimacy

Beloved Friend,

Have you have ever suffered shame or pain be it first-hand or second-hand from being vulnerable? If you have, you definitely understand the power vulnerability yields especially in the hands of the confidant.

Growing up in as an introverted child in an African home, I was used to bottling up my feelings. My elder sister, Faith would always buy my brother and I books (God bless her heart) and as an avid reader, I was always quick to digest these books. I had just finished reading a particular book and the last page had an activity attached to it. Can you guess what activity it was?

If you guessed journaling, you’re probably correct though I wouldn’t really call it journaling and here’s why. The instruction said to write a couple of things that pissed you off about every member of your family. Yo! I was elated. Finally! an avenue to vent out my frustrations. I was told to fill out a book or paper with those things before filling the page for the next instruction.

I set to work, scribbling fast on a new jotter I had at that time. I wrote down every single offense I could remember and managed to add a few nice things I liked about each member of my family (everyone had a page dedicated to them, lol). In a moment, I was done and I impatiently turned to the next page for further instructions and behold…

Disappointment hit me smack in the face! I was told to tear it all up. “Ehn! You don’t mean it?” “What’s this supposed to do to my 12/13 year old heart?” “How’s this a solution?” No drama involved, after all my hard work of painstakingly writing everyone’s wrong but mine. I felt used, betrayed and my intelligence insulted (now I understand what the author tried to achieve).

For the first time, I chose to be vulnerable and it didn’t help. In fact, I ended up in trouble cause I refused to tear up what I had written, hid the jotter poorly, my younger brother discovered it and disseminated the information to all involved. I won’t bore you with the pet talk that I received on that day but it was an ugly experience.

Your experience with vulnerability might even been worse and you’ve flagged it off as a weakness or something that cannot be respected or safe. You know “anything I say can and possibly would be used against me”. You might even be saying, “Patience, isn’t it bad that I’ve suffered this ordeal and must try to move on with my life?” “Why then do you want to talk about being vulnerable with the possibility of getting even more hurt?”

Friend, here me out. I know you’ve been bruised by being vulnerable with the wrong people but even in all of these, there are still a lot of people that have found peace and freedom in being vulnerable with the right people. I personally have enjoyed being vulnerable around few people (even though it’s still something I struggle with, knowing the fickleness of men) and I know some of you have too even if it’s by a small margin.

Vulnerability is a very misunderstood concept. It can be viewed as being too emotional or as a weakness and we’ve been trained not to show weakness especially as a man. It’s understandable that vulnerability has been reduced to this due to the betrayal and trauma that many have experienced.

In my opinion, vulnerability means being open and real without putting up walls to protect yourself. It is so much more than just connecting with emotionally sensitive areas of your heart. It is being honest about what is happening on the inside. This is where healing takes place. Sadly, sometimes you might not have people in your life that are safe to be vulnerable with. I’m not here to urge you to find such people in a hurry. I’m here with a message from your utmost lover, Father and friend; Abba.

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness.”— 2 Corinthians 12:9

Friend, one sure way you can enjoy deep intimacy with the Father is by being vulnerable with Him. You heard me right; This type of intimacy doesn’t come from “spiritual” activities. Being vulnerable with Abba means exposing all your inadequacies before Him while He touches them with His grace and makes strength available for you. It means baring your heart before Him and allowing His love invade you in the deepest, most powerful way; almost overwhelming!

Friend, God already knows you. He has foreknowledge remember! He knows all that you are and can ever be. Nothing you do or say to Him can catch Him by surprise; talk more of being too much for Him to handle. Truly, He knows you but He would still rather have you build a relationship with Him through vulnerability.

As believers, we may think it is inappropriate to have or express certain thoughts or emotions. This then prevents us from being honest with ourselves and vulnerable with God (I’m not saying you should begin to ponder on things that are not holy and acceptable, edakun o!) I personally had no issues conversing with Abba about certain things as far as it had to do with spirituality. But talking to the “Consuming Fire” (I had not yet understood the concept of Fatherhood which we now get to enjoy through adoption) about how I was feeling about that brother and his sweet words seemed farfetched. Like, miss me with that biko.

I was usually like “We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ.”— 2Corinthians 10:5

Friend, vulnerability is a key part of enjoying intimacy. You can either choose to be vulnerable with Abba about that hurt, envy/jealousy, feeling of despair, relationship, fear of failure and what not, and receive wholeness from Him, enjoy intimacy, receive divine guidance, as well as strength to carry on or isolate yourself and build up fragile walls to protect yourself. The choice is yours but I would rather have you choose vulnerability with God.

Abba’s feet is a safe space! Intimacy is sweet and the devil seeks to rob you off it. Don’t be too formal with God. He’s the King of Kings and He is also your Father, so you can talk to Him about anything without fear.

Friend, your heavenly Father wants you to humble yourself through vulnerability so you can enjoy intimacy with Him. That’s the main message, in case you missed it with all my storytelling, lol.

You can also reach out to me, if there are questions you would like to ask me privately. It’s a safe space too.

Also, feel free to share with your friends if you’ve been blessed by this and you desire to also add flavor to their lives. No gatekeeping over here my friend.

Enjoy intimacy this week and keep being a beacon of light, till I come your way again.

With thoughts of kindness,

Abba’s Shofar.