When Love Trains, Not Coddles.

Growing up in the tenderness of God

Beloved friend,

I think there’s a kind of love that doesn’t always look soft and sweet. A kind of love that doesn’t always carry you around or shield you from every fall. It’s that deep love that steps back, just enough, to let you learn how to stand. You know how it is with a child who’s learning to walk; if the parent never lets go, how will that child ever grow confident on their own two feet?

God is like that. There are times when His love is gentle and carries us, but there are also times when His love trains us. And training can feel like tough love. But that’s exactly what it is; love.

I remember how, at certain points in my life, things came so easily. All I had to do was whisper a prayer, and I was receiving clarity. It was like I’d just think it, and help would show up. I didn’t even need to pray long. The answers came sharp sharp. But now, I’m in a season where I actually have to sit with God. Seek intentionally. Stay. Wait. Ask. Fast sometimes. And not because God has become stingy, but because He’s training me to search things out.

Scripture says, “It is the glory of God to conceal a matter, but the glory of kings is to search out a matter” (Proverbs 25:2). When I came across that verse again, it landed differently. God is not hiding things from us out of wickedness. He’s calling us deeper. You don’t give surface answers to someone you’re building depth with. So no, He won’t always drop things on your lap. Not because He doesn’t care, but because He’s growing you.

And let’s clear this up, this isn’t about working for grace. Ah, no. We didn’t earn salvation, we don’t work to earn intimacy either, we invest in it. But there’s a difference between working for something and working from somewhere. We labor not for love, but from love. Paul said it beautifully in 1 Corinthians 15:10: “I worked harder than any of them, yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me.”

There’s a way we think that because we’re loved by God, He’ll keep making things soft for us. But love that only pampers and never prepares is incomplete. Even Jesus wasn’t coddled. That He had the Spirit without measure didn’t mean life was smooth. He still prayed, fasted, resisted temptation, was misunderstood, and ultimately obeyed even unto death. If Jesus, the very Son of God, had to walk through hardship to fulfill destiny, who are we to think we won’t be stretched?

I know this might not be the letter you expected. Maybe you were hoping I’d write something about the open heavens and speedy answers (and those are beautiful parts of our walk too), but today, I wanted to speak to those of us who feel like we’re pressing but not hearing, obeying but not seeing, seeking but not always finding; yet.

Hang in there. The season has changed. You’re no longer being spoon-fed. God is saying, “Come up hither.”

It’s just like starting a new job. In the beginning, there’s grace, you’re allowed to make mistakes, ask the same questions over and over, even be spoon-fed the basics. But as time goes on, more is expected. You’ve been trained, so you’re trusted with more. It’s not that your manager suddenly dislikes you. It’s that they believe you can handle more. In the same way, God doesn’t withdraw His help, He deepens your responsibility. Not because He’s harsh, but because He’s building you up.

Because truth is, this kingdom life is not all floating on grace. There’s pressing. There’s digging. There’s labour. Elijah called down fire, yes, but don’t forget that before the fire, there was running, hiding, waiting, obeying. That fire came because he was already aligned.

Let’s not pretend like it’s all vibes. There’s responsibility. There’s depth. There’s growing up. Hebrews 5:14 says, “But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil.” That word: trained stands out. This walk requires training. And training, my dear, is work.

So if it feels like you’re not being coddled anymore, maybe it’s because God is calling you to walk. Not alone, never alone. But with strength, discipline, and deeper intimacy. He’s growing you into the kind of person who doesn’t only know His voice, but carries His weight.

Because truly, God is not raising weak soldiers. He loves us, but not in a way that coddles us. (And no, that’s not cuddles, o! Let’s be guided.) Yes, He comforts us, yes, He draws us close, but He won’t overpamper us into remaining babes. To coddle someone is to protect them in a way that hinders their maturity, and that’s not how God fathers His own. He’s raising sons and daughters who can discern, who are built, who grow.

Omo, it’s not easy sha. This kind of stretching takes more effort than one was originally used to. I honestly started wondering what was going on. Why did it feel like the easy flow I had with God before was slowly turning into a call to dig deeper? It was the Holy Spirit that gently brought this analogy to me, about how a child who is always carried will never learn to walk. And just like that, it made sense. Some of the weight I’m feeling isn’t punishment, it’s training. It’s growth. It’s love, the kind that doesn’t sit by and let you remain the same.

Don’t be discouraged. Keep showing up. Keep searching it out. You’re not going crazy. You’re being refined.

There’s honor in the labor. There’s glory in the growing.

With thoughts of kindness,

ABBA’s Shofar